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Learn the art of conversation

Short, evidence-based primers. Each area starts with a summary and best practice – then go deeper via video, books and research.

Listening

Listening is not waiting for your turn to talk. Research and practice show that genuine, active listening – truly trying to understand – is the foundation of trust and of resolving conflict.

Best practice

  • Listen to understand, not to reply. Don't interrupt.
  • Reflect back: ”If I understand you correctly, you mean …?”
  • Use RASA: Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, Ask.
  • Stay silent a second longer – silence invites more.

Asking good questions

Good questions open conversations; bad ones close them. ”Humble inquiry” – asking about things you genuinely don't know the answer to – builds relationship and yields better information than offering ready answers.

Best practice

  • Ask open questions (how, what, tell me more) instead of yes/no.
  • Avoid leading questions and disguised statements.
  • Ask follow-ups – show you listened to the answer.
  • Ask from genuine curiosity, not to ”win”.

Conflict mediation and difficult conversations

In hard conversations we get stuck in positions (”I'm right, you're wrong”). Research in negotiation and mediation shows we get further by separating the person from the problem and focusing on underlying needs and interests.

Best practice

  • Separate the person from the problem – attack the issue, not each other.
  • Focus on interests and needs, not fixed positions.
  • Know your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA).
  • Separate what happened, the feelings it stirred, and what it says about identity.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

NVC is a concrete way to express yourself honestly without blaming, and to hear others with empathy. A simple structure is Observation – Feeling – Need – Request (OFNR).

Best practice

  • Describe an observation without judgement.
  • Express the feeling it evokes.
  • Connect the feeling to a need.
  • Ask for something concrete – as a request, not a demand.

Repair and de-escalation

Every conversation derails sometimes. What matters is not avoiding friction, but repairing it. When we get ”flooded” by stress we can't listen – a pause helps, and simple techniques like naming the other's feeling lower the temperature.

Best practice

  • Make a repair attempt early: ”Sorry, that came out wrong. Can I start over?”
  • Take a short break when too upset to listen – agree to return.
  • Name the other's feeling (”it sounds like you feel …”) to calm things.
  • Start softly – how you begin often decides how it ends.